Assertive Communication Techniques Handout

Use these strategies to express your thoughts, needs, and boundaries clearly and respectfully.

1. “I” Statements

What it is: Framing your feelings and needs from your own perspective rather than blaming or accusing.

Structure: “I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason]. I would like [request].”

Example:
“I feel frustrated when meeting times change at the last minute because it disrupts my schedule. I would like us to confirm meeting times at least 24 hours in advance.”

2. Setting Clear Boundaries

What it is: Defining what is acceptable or not, and communicating limits respectfully.

Example:
“I’m happy to help with this project, but I can only commit two hours per week. Let me know if that works for you.”

3. Open Body Language

What it is: Aligning nonverbal cues (posture, eye contact, gestures) with your words to reinforce confidence and sincerity.

Tips:
• Stand or sit up straight, shoulders relaxed
• Maintain appropriate eye contact
• Keep arms uncrossed and palms visible

4. Calm, Steady Tone

What it is: Using a controlled voice—moderate volume and pace—to convey confidence without aggression.

Tips:
• Breathe before speaking
• Pause between sentences
• Avoid raising your pitch at the end of statements (it can sound like a question)

5. Active Listening & Empathy

What it is: Demonstrating you hear and understand the other person before responding.

Techniques:
• Paraphrase: “So you’re saying…”
• Ask clarifying questions: “Can you tell me more about…?”
• Acknowledge feelings: “I understand this is important to you.”

Practice Activities

A. Craft an “I” Statement

Describe a recent situation where you felt upset or overlooked. Use the structure above to write your own “I” statement below.

B. Boundary Statement

Think of one thing you’re willing to say “no” to this week. Write a respectful boundary statement:

C. Observe & Reflect

Over the next two days, notice your posture and tone during one conversation. Jot down what you did well and one thing to improve:

Review these techniques before your next role-play to strengthen your assertive communication skills.

Communication Self-Assessment Worksheet

Use this worksheet to reflect on your current communication habits and identify areas for growth.

1. Identify Your Default Style

Reflect on your typical way of communicating (assertive, passive, or aggressive). Which style do you use most often? Explain why you think this is your default style.

2. Describe Key Behaviors

List three specific behaviors or phrases you use that demonstrate your default communication style. For each, note whether it supports or undermines clear, respectful dialogue.

1. Behavior or Phrase: Supports / Undermines
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Behavior or Phrase: Supports / Undermines
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Behavior or Phrase: Supports / Undermines
   
   
   
   
   
   

3. Self-Rating of Assertiveness

On a scale from 1 (not at all assertive) to 5 (very assertive), rate how often you express your thoughts and needs directly and respectfully.

My Assertiveness Rating: ___ / 5


Explain your rating (what makes you choose this number?):

4. Strengths and Challenges

A. Strengths:
List two strengths you have when communicating. How do these strengths help you in conversations?

1. Strength:
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Strength:
   
   
   
   
   
   

B. Challenges:
Identify two areas where you struggle to communicate assertively. What obstacles do you face?

1. Challenge:
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Challenge:
   
   
   
   
   
   

5. Recent Conversation Analysis

Think of a recent conversation (academic, personal, or professional) where you wished you had communicated more assertively. Briefly describe the situation and the outcome. Then suggest one change you could make next time to be more assertive.

Situation & Outcome:

Suggested Change for Next Time:

6. Personal Assertiveness Goals

Set two SMART goals for the coming week to practice assertive communication. Include specific actions and how you will measure your progress.

1. Goal 1:
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Goal 2:
   
   
   
   
   
   

Review your responses with your coach or peer and use them to guide your practice in upcoming role-plays and real-life conversations.

Role-Play Scenario Cards

Use these scenario cards to practice crafting and delivering assertive responses. For each prompt, focus on using “I” statements, setting clear boundaries, maintaining open body language, and speaking in a calm, steady tone. Your coach will play the other role.

Card 1: Group Project Partner
Your teammate has missed two meetings and contributed little to the shared document. Assert your needs and set expectations for future collaboration.

Card 2: Requesting an Extension
You’re overwhelmed with assignments and personal commitments. You need to ask your professor for a one-week extension on a research paper. Practice an assertive request.

Card 3: Setting Friend Boundaries
A friend frequently calls/texts late at night for small favors. Communicate that you value the friendship but need to limit after-hours requests.

Card 4: Declining Extra Work
Your part-time supervisor asks you to pick up extra shifts this weekend. You already have plans and need to say no respectfully without burning bridges.

Card 5: Clarifying Instructions
Your research advisor gave vague directions for your next experiment. Ask for clarification so you can meet expectations and deadlines.

Card 6: Disagreeing in a Team Meeting
During a lab meeting, a colleague proposes an approach you believe is flawed. Express your concerns constructively and suggest an alternative.

Card 7: Addressing Roommate Chores
Your roommate consistently leaves dishes unwashed. Communicate how this affects you and propose a fair system for sharing chores.

Card 8: Requesting Feedback
After a class presentation, ask a peer for honest feedback on your delivery and content to help you improve.

Card 9: Correcting a Misunderstanding
A classmate misquoted your opinion in a group chat, causing confusion. Politely correct them and restate your actual viewpoint.

Card 10: Negotiating Meeting Time
Your study group sets meeting times you can’t attend. Assert your availability and propose alternative slots that work for everyone.

Flip through these cards and choose one prompt for each round of practice. After you deliver your assertive statement, pause for coach feedback on language, tone, and body language.

Coaching Session Script

1. Introduction & Objectives (10 minutes)

Teacher (smiling, welcoming tone): “Hi there! I’m excited to spend the next 90 minutes with you on ‘Finding Your Voice.’ Today, we’ll focus on building your confidence to express thoughts, needs, and boundaries clearly and respectfully in academic and work settings. Does that sound good?”
(Pause for affirmation)

Teacher: “Our goals today are to:
• Understand the three communication styles: assertive, passive, and aggressive
• Reflect on your own communication habits
• Learn key techniques for assertive communication
• Practice with feedback through role-play”
(Point to slide: Session Objectives)

Teacher: “First, let’s define these styles. By ‘assertive,’ I mean expressing yourself honestly and respectfully. ‘Passive’ means holding back to avoid conflict. And ‘aggressive’ means expressing yourself in a way that can push others aside or violate their rights. Can you think of an example you’ve observed of each?”
(Wait, listen, and acknowledge their examples)

Teacher: “Great—those examples help set the stage. Let’s dive in with a self-reflection activity.”

2. Self-Assessment (15 minutes)

Teacher (handing over worksheet): “Please open the Communication Self-Assessment Worksheet. You’ll spend about 10 minutes completing questions about your default style, behaviors, strengths, and challenges. Don’t worry about perfection—this is for your own insight.”
(Allow quiet work time; check in at halfway: “How’s it going? Any surprises so far?”)

Teacher (after 10 minutes): “Let’s review a few insights. What did you discover about your default style? Any behaviors you’ve identified that you want to change?”
(Ask follow-up) “Can you tell me more about why that phrase comes up for you?”
(Affirm their self-awareness: “That’s a great observation—recognizing that is the first step.”)

3. Video & Discussion (15 minutes)

Teacher: “Now, let’s watch a short clip showing these styles in action.”
(Play Communication Styles Video Clip)

Teacher (after video ends): “What examples did you notice of passive, aggressive, and assertive communication?”
(Prompt: “Which scene felt most like you?” “Why do you think assertiveness improved the outcome?”)

Teacher: “Excellent. Assertive communication matters because it builds respect, reduces misunderstandings, and helps you achieve your goals.”

4. Techniques Overview (20 minutes)

Teacher (handing out handout): “Here is the Assertive Communication Techniques Handout. We’ll review the key strategies together.”

Teacher (pointing to “I” Statements): “First, use ‘I’ statements to own your feelings. Structure: ‘I feel ____ when ____ because ____. I would like ____.’ Let me model it.”
(Models a non-assertive phrase, then transforms it into an assertive one)

Teacher (moving to Boundaries): “Next is setting clear boundaries. For example: ‘I can help with two hours of editing each week.’ Why is that helpful?”
(Pause for response)

Teacher (nonverbal cues): “Open body language and a calm tone reinforce your message. Stand or sit up straight, keep your palms visible, and speak at a steady pace.”

Teacher: “Any questions about these strategies?”
(Clarify as needed)

5. Guided Role-Play (20 minutes)

Teacher: “Let’s put these into practice. Please pick one card from the Role-Play Scenario Cards.”
(Student selects; teacher reads prompt aloud.)

Teacher: “Now, craft your assertive statement using what we’ve learned. I’ll play the other role.”
(Give student 1–2 minutes to prepare.)

Teacher (listening, then responding): “You said, ‘…’ That was clear. One suggestion: adjust your tone here for more confidence. Would you like to try that line again?”
(Allow rewrite and second delivery.)

Teacher: “Great improvement! Notice how your posture and steady voice reinforce your words.”
(Repeat with second scenario, if time allows.)

6. Reflection & Next Steps (10 minutes)

Teacher: “Take a moment to reflect. What felt strongest in your role-plays? Where would you like to improve?”
(Pause as student reflects; ask: “What will be your goal for this week?”)

Teacher (guiding goal-setting): “Set two small, specific goals. For example: ‘I will use one “I” statement in a group discussion by Friday,’ and ‘I will practice open body language at least once today.’ Write them down.”
(Allow time to jot goals.)

Teacher: “Thank you for your hard work today. You’ve taken big steps toward finding your voice. I’ll send you resources for extra practice, and we’ll check in next week to see your progress. You’ve got this!”
(End on an encouraging note.)

Reflection Exit Ticket

Please take a few minutes to reflect on today’s session by answering the questions below.

1. Which assertive communication technique will you focus on practicing this week?
   
   
   
2. Describe one moment during today’s session when you felt most confident using an assertive skill.
   
   
   
3. What is one specific area or skill you’d like to improve before our next session?
   
   
   
4. On a scale of 1 (not at all confident) to 5 (very confident), how would you rate your ability to communicate assertively today?

My confidence rating: ___ / 5