Guide to Maintaining Friendships

If only all friendships could play out like the ones in sitcoms. The main characters usually live next door to each other, spend copious amounts of time together, drink vats of coffee while having long, intimate conversations, and solve all of their problems in a cool 22 minutes. But we don't live in a sitcom world. Maintaining friendships, especially during life-changing events like graduating high school and moving away to college, isn't easy. It isn't uncommon to grow apart from your friends at this age, and as you get older, it becomes harder to make new friends as often. Today on WellCast, we're going to help you deal with the important relationships in your life, and we've got a four-step method to help you maintain the old friendships that you have. Sociologists generally agree that there are three conditions necessary for making good friends: how close you are geographically, how often you hang out, and how comfortable you are confiding in each other. In fact, studies show that people who actually hang out face-to-face are more likely to remain friends than those who simply talk on the phone. That said, those who talk on the phone to each other regularly are more likely to remain friends than those who only email. That's why many of your best friends are made in high school or college. You see these people every day and probably have a lot in common with them. But what happens when your friendships are no longer based around proximity or convenience? Let's say your best friend and you leave for different colleges. You no longer share any classes with her, you don't see her as often, and when you do, it's a little awkward. She has a bunch of new stories about new friends and places that you don't quite fit into. But we've got you covered. It's time for our WellCast guide to maintaining friendships. We've got four suggestions for how to foster your friendships even in difficult situations. Please pause and print out your worksheet at watchwellcast.com. Okay, are you ready? Let's begin. **Step One: Communicate.** Remember this acronym, SPE. It stands for see, phone, email. Social media can make it feel like you're more in touch with your friends than you actually are. Hey, you get the big life updates from Facebook—"in a relationship," "graduating," "moving across the country"—but the details, the small talk that makes up a friendship, you can only get from face-to-face contact. You should work hard to try to see the person whenever you can. If they don't live close, then phone rather than email. It shows your friend that you're serious about this relationship and it allows for longer, more intimate conversations. **Step Two: When in Doubt, Send a "You" Greeting.** Okay, now that you've gotten in touch with your friend, what do you talk about? If you want to reach out but don't know how to break the ice, send a "you" greeting. People like to talk about themselves. Ask your friend how she's doing, throw in a few compliments—"I bet you're rocking your new job"—and then let them fill you in. **Step Three: Don't Be Too Hard on Your Friends.** One common thing you might notice now that you guys have been talking after a little while is that you two have a little bit less in common. This is completely natural. Sometimes friends drift apart. People change a lot in this period of their lives. That doesn't mean you can't still be friends with someone. Just try not to focus on the differences—"Well, you used to like The Killers"—and instead, focus on your shared experiences. Above all, cut your friends some slack. Think about the person you were when you guys first met. You've changed. Why can't they? **Step Four: Take Advantage of Big Events.** Reunions, birthdays—if you rarely get a chance to see your friend, these can be the perfect opportunity to reconnect, catch up, and celebrate without any awkwardness.