Mindfulness Basics Worksheet

Part 1: Definitions Practice

1. In your own words, define the three “What” skills from the handout:
   a. Observe:
   
   
   
   b. Describe:
   
   
   
   c. Participate:
   
   
   

2. In your own words, define the three “How” skills from the handout:
   a. Non-judgmentally:
   
   
   
   b. One-mindfully:
   
   
   
   c. Effectively:
   
   
   

(Refer to the DBT Mindfulness Skills Handout as needed.)

Part 2: Reflection on the Breathing Exercise

3. How did you feel during the 2-minute deep-breathing exercise? Describe any physical or emotional sensations you noticed.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

4. What thoughts or distractions came up during the exercise? How did you respond to them?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Part 3: Reflection on the Body-Scan Exercise

5. During the 5-minute body-scan, which area of your body did you notice most? Describe any sensations (e.g., tension, warmth, tingling).
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

6. How did focusing on different parts of your body affect your overall awareness? Explain.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Part 4: Applying Mindfulness in Daily Life

7. Think of one situation in your day (e.g., before a test, during a disagreement, feeling stressed). Describe:
   • The situation:
     
     
     
   • Which “What” skill(s) you would use:
     
     
     
   • Which “How” skill(s) you would use:
     
     
     
   • How using these skills might help you in that moment:
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

Session 1 Discussion

Purpose

This discussion helps you reflect on today’s mindfulness exercises—deep breathing and body scanning—to deepen your understanding of DBT “What” and “How” skills and explore how they can support your self-regulation.

Discussion Guidelines

• Speak from your own experience using “I” statements.
• Listen respectfully and allow each person time to share.
• Keep our conversation confidential and supportive.

Discussion Prompts

1. Reflecting on Your Experience

   • How did you feel immediately after the 2-minute breathing exercise and the 5-minute body scan?
   • Follow-up: Did any unexpected thoughts or physical sensations come up?

2. Noticing Challenges

   • Which part of the exercises was most difficult for you (e.g., staying focused, noticing judgments, letting go of distractions)?
   • Follow-up: What might help you stay with an exercise when your mind drifts?

3. Connecting Skills to Self-Regulation

   • Pick one “What” skill (Observe, Describe, Participate) and one “How” skill (Non-judgmentally, One-mindfully, Effectively). How could you apply these skills the next time you feel stressed or upset?
   • Follow-up: Can you think of a recent situation where you might have used them?

4. Planning for Practice

   • When and where this week could you practice a short mindfulness exercise (e.g., before a test, in the morning, during a break)?
   • Follow-up: How will you remind yourself to practice? (Write a note, set a timer, ask a friend, etc.)

Next Steps

• Use your responses to complete the rest of the Mindfulness Basics Worksheet.
• Choose one small mindfulness habit to try daily and track how it affects your mood or focus.

Closing Reflection

What is one key insight you’ll carry forward from today’s session?

Mindfulness Body-Scan Activity

Purpose:
Guide your attention through the body in a structured way to build one-mindful awareness of physical sensations and let go of distractions.

Duration: 5 minutes

Materials:

• Timer or smartphone (set to 5 minutes with interval beeps if possible)
• Quiet, comfortable space (sitting or lying down)

Instructions

1. Get comfortable (30 seconds)

   • Sit in a chair with feet flat on the floor or lie down on a mat.
   • Rest your hands loosely in your lap or by your sides.
   • Close your eyes or soften your gaze.

2. Begin with the breath (30 seconds)

   • Take two slow, deep breaths: inhale fully, then exhale completely.
   • Notice the rise and fall of your chest or belly.

3. Start the body-scan (4 minutes)

   • Head and face (30 seconds): Notice any tension in your scalp, forehead, eyes, jaw. Breathe into that area.
   • Neck and shoulders (30 seconds): Feel weight or tightness around your neck and shoulders. Let them soften.
   • Arms and hands (30 seconds): Move awareness down each arm to your fingertips. Notice temperature, tingling, or relaxation.
   • Chest and back (30 seconds): Sense your chest expanding with each breath and any tightness in your upper or lower back.
   • Stomach and hips (30 seconds): Observe how your belly moves with breathing and how your hips connect to the floor or seat.
   • Thighs and knees (30 seconds): Notice the weight of your legs, any pressure or ease around your knees.
   • Calves and ankles (30 seconds): Feel muscles soften or any resting weight on your lower legs.
   • Feet and toes (30 seconds): Attend to sensations on the soles of your feet and in each toe.

   Tip: If a timer with one-minute beeps is available, use each beep to cue movement to the next area. Otherwise, stay gently aware of the approximate timing.

4. Whole-body awareness (30 seconds)

   • After scanning individual parts, bring attention to your entire body as a unified field of sensations.
   • Notice how it feels overall—lighter, heavier, warm, cool, calm, or alert.

5. Closing (30 seconds)

   • Take two more deep breaths.
   • Wiggle your fingers and toes, then open your eyes slowly.
   • Sit quietly for a few moments before moving on.

Next Steps:

• Notice how you feel—physically and emotionally—compared to before the exercise.
• Use the Mindfulness Basics Worksheet to record any sensations or insights you experienced.

Distress Tolerance Practice Worksheet

(Refer to the DBT Distress Tolerance Skills Handout as needed.)

Part 1: TIP Skill Practice

1. Temperature

   • Describe the cold temperature strategy you tried (e.g., holding a cold pack, splashing cold water):
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • What physical sensations did you notice?
     
     
     
     
     
     

2. Intense Exercise

   • Name a brief, intense exercise you performed (e.g., jumping jacks, running in place):
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • How long did you do the exercise, and how did it affect your distress?
     
     
     
     
     
     

3. Paced Breathing

   • Practice paced breathing (inhale 4 counts, exhale 6 counts) for 2 minutes. Afterward, describe how you felt:
     
     
     
     
     
     

4. Paired Muscle Relaxation

   • Which muscle group did you tense and relax (e.g., shoulders, fists)? Describe your process and any sensations:
     
     
     
     
     
     

Part 2: ACCEPTS Strategy Mapping

Choose three activities or distractions. For each, identify the corresponding letter in ACCEPTS and explain how it helps shift your focus.

Part 3: Strategy Rating and Action Plan

Select one TIP strategy and one ACCEPTS strategy you practiced above. For each, rate its effectiveness and plan when and where you will use it this week.

TIP Strategy: ___________________________________

• Rating (1 = not effective, 10 = very effective): __
• When & Where will you practice this?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

ACCEPTS Strategy (letter/activity): ________________

• Rating (1 = not effective, 10 = very effective): __
• When & Where will you practice this?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Part 4: Self-Soothing with the Five Senses

Use each sense to list one calming or pleasant experience you can try when distressed. Then plan how you will remember to do it.

1. Sight (e.g., looking at a calming image or nature):
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Sound (e.g., listening to music, nature sounds):
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Smell (e.g., essential oils, fresh air):
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. Taste (e.g., sipping tea, chewing gum):
   
   
   
   
   
   
5. Touch (e.g., holding a soft object, taking a warm bath):
   
   
   
   
   
   

Reminder Plan: How will you remind yourself to use self-soothing this week? (Alarm, note, buddy, etc.)

Session 2 Discussion

Purpose

This discussion helps you reflect on the distress tolerance strategies (TIP and ACCEPTS) you practiced in Session 2 and plan how to integrate them into real-life moments of intense emotion.

Discussion Guidelines

• Speak from your own experience using “I” statements.
• Listen respectfully and let others finish before responding.
• Keep our conversation confidential and supportive.

Discussion Prompts

1. Reflecting on TIP Strategies

   • Which TIP component (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, Paired Muscle Relaxation) felt most helpful in shifting your physical or emotional state?
   • Follow-up: What specific sensations or changes did you notice in your body when you tried it?

2. Exploring ACCEPTS Distractions

   • Of the three activities or distractions you listed on the Distress Tolerance Practice Worksheet, which one was easiest to engage in and why?
   • Follow-up: Did any feel less effective or harder to focus on? What might you adjust to make it more helpful?

3. Overcoming Challenges

   • What obstacles or doubts came up when you tried to use a distress tolerance skill? (E.g., feeling silly, forgetting in the moment, not enough time.)
   • Follow-up: How could you prepare or remind yourself to overcome that obstacle next time?

4. Connecting to Personal Triggers

   • Think of a recent time you felt overwhelmed. Which TIP or ACCEPTS strategy could you have used in that moment?
   • Follow-up: How do you imagine the outcome would have been different if you had applied it?

5. Planning for Real-World Use

   • When and where this week could you practice one new distress tolerance strategy?
   • Follow-up: How will you remind yourself to use it? (Set an alarm, plan with a friend, leave a note, etc.)

Next Steps

• Complete any remaining sections on the Distress Tolerance Practice Worksheet, particularly your action plans and self–soothing prompts.
• Choose one new TIP strategy and one new ACCEPTS distraction to try in the next distressing moment and note how it goes.

Closing Reflection

What is one key insight or commitment you’ll carry forward from today’s discussion?

Emotion Regulation Practice Worksheet

(Refer to the DBT Emotion Regulation Skills Handout and the Opposite Action Role-Play Cards as needed.)

Part 1: Mapping PLEASE Skills to a Real Situation

1. Describe a recent situation when you felt an intense emotion (e.g., anger, sadness, anxiety):
   Situation:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

2. For the situation above, choose one or more PLEASE skills that could help. For each skill you choose, explain how it might support you.

   • P (Treat Physical illness):
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • L (Balanced Eating):
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • E (Avoid Mood-altering Substances):
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • A (Balanced Sleep):
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • S (Exercise):
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • E (Build Mastery):
     
     
     
     
     
     

Part 2: Planning an Opposite Action

1. Identify the primary emotion you experienced in the situation above:
   Emotion:
   
   
   

2. Describe the action urge that came with that emotion (e.g., to avoid, to lash out, to withdraw):
   Action Urge:
   
   
   

3. Choose an Opposite Action you could take instead of following that urge:
   Opposite Action:
   
   
   

4. How do you expect this Opposite Action to affect your emotion or situation? Explain:
   Impact:
   
   
   
   
   
   

Part 3: Practice Plan and Confidence Rating

1. PLEASE Skill Practice

   • Which ONE PLEASE skill will you focus on this week? ____________________________________
   • When and where will you practice it?
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • Confidence in using this skill (1 = not confident, 10 = very confident): __

2. Opposite Action Practice

   • Which Opposite Action will you practice this week? __________________________________
   • When and where will you practice it?
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
   • Confidence in using this Opposite Action (1 = not confident, 10 = very confident): __

Part 4: Reminder and Self-Monitoring

1. How will you remind yourself to use these skills this week? (e.g., set an alarm, leave a note, ask a friend):
   Reminder Plan:
   
   
   
   
   
   

2. At the end of the week, note any changes you observed in your emotions or reactions after using these skills:
   Week’s Reflection:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Opposite Action Role-Play Cards

Purpose:
Practice the DBT Opposite Action skill by role-playing real-life situations. Each card describes an emotion and its natural urge. Your task is to identify that urge and then act out a behavior that opposes it.

Materials:

• Printed and cut-apart cards below
• Timer (optional)
• Partner (peer, teacher, or coach)

How to Use

1. Shuffle the cards and place them face down.
2. Draw one card and read the Scenario and Emotion aloud.
3. Identify the Action Urge—what you naturally want to do in that moment.
4. Decide on an Opposite Action—a healthier behavior that contradicts the urge.
5. Role-play your chosen opposite action with your partner for 1–2 minutes.
6. Debrief: Discuss how it felt to choose the opposite action.

Card 1

Scenario: A friend cancels your weekend plans at the last minute.
Emotion: Anger
Action Urge: To yell or blame your friend.
Opposite Action Practice: Speak calmly and say, “I’m disappointed. Can we find another time to hang out?”

Card 2

Scenario: You receive a grade lower than you expected on a big test.
Emotion: Sadness/Discouragement
Action Urge: To isolate yourself and stop studying.
Opposite Action Practice: Reach out to a classmate or teacher to review mistakes and plan next steps.

Card 3

Scenario: You have to give a presentation in front of your class.
Emotion: Anxiety/Fear
Action Urge: To avoid the podium or freeze up.
Opposite Action Practice: Take three deep breaths, smile at the audience, and begin speaking slowly and clearly.

Card 4

Scenario: You accidentally insult someone and immediately feel ashamed.
Emotion: Shame/Embarrassment
Action Urge: To hide or pretend it didn’t happen.
Opposite Action Practice: Apologize sincerely and ask, “How can I make this right?”

Card 5

Scenario: You’re waiting for a text back and the silence makes you irritable.
Emotion: Frustration/Impatience
Action Urge: To repeatedly check your phone or send multiple messages.
Opposite Action Practice: Put your phone aside, take a short walk or do a 2-minute breathing exercise.

Card 6

Scenario: You’ve been working on a group project and feel overwhelmed.
Emotion: Overwhelm/Stress
Action Urge: To quit the project or procrastinate.
Opposite Action Practice: Break the task into one small step, set a 5-minute timer, and start with that step.

Reflection:
After each role-play, discuss:

• How did it feel to resist the natural urge?
• What was challenging about the opposite action?
• How might you use this opposite action in real life?

Next Steps:
Choose one card to practice later this week when you notice the emotion arise. Track what happens and how you feel afterward.

Interpersonal Effectiveness Practice Worksheet

(Refer to the DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills Handout and the DEAR MAN Role-Play Cards as needed.)

Part 1: Applying DEAR MAN

1. Describe a situation where you need to request something important or say no to a request:
   Situation:
   
   
   
   
   
   

2. For each DEAR MAN step below, explain how you would apply it in this situation:

   • D (Describe the situation):
     
     
     
     
   • E (Express your feelings and opinions):
     
     
     
     
   • A (Assert your needs or boundaries):
     
     
     
     
   • R (Reinforce the positive outcome if your request is met):
     
     
     
     
   • M (Maintain focus on your goal; ignore distractions):
     
     
     
     
   • A (Appear confident—use a firm tone and body language):
     
     
     
     
   • N (Negotiate—be willing to give to get):
     
     
     
     

Part 2: Balancing Relationships with GIVE

3. Choose one element of GIVE (Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy manner) to focus on and describe how you will use it:
   GIVE Element: ____________________________
   How I will implement it:
   
   
   
   
   
   

Part 3: Maintaining Self-Respect with FAST

4. Choose one element of FAST (Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful) to focus on and describe how you will use it:
   FAST Element: ____________________________
   How I will implement it:
   
   
   
   
   
   

Part 4: Practice Plan and Confidence Rating

5. Which interpersonal skill (a specific DEAR MAN step, GIVE element, or FAST element) will you practice this week?
   Skill: __________________________________________

   When & Where will you practice it?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

   Confidence in using this skill (1 = not confident, 10 = very confident): __

Part 5: Reminder and Reflection

6. How will you remind yourself to use these skills (e.g., note on phone, sticky note, accountability partner)?
   
   
   
   
   
   

7. After practicing, reflect on one situation where you used the skill. Describe what happened and how you felt afterward:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

DEAR MAN Role-Play Cards

Purpose:
Practice the DBT DEAR MAN interpersonal effectiveness skill by role-playing real-life scenarios. Each card presents a situation where you need to ask for something, set a boundary, or negotiate. Your task is to use the DEAR MAN steps to plan and then role-play the interaction.

Materials:

• Printed and cut-apart cards below
• Timer or smartphone (optional)
• Partner (peer, teacher, or coach)

How to Use

1. Shuffle the cards and place them face down.
2. Draw one card and read the Scenario aloud.
3. Use the DEAR MAN steps to plan your approach:
   • D: Describe the situation
   • E: Express your feelings and opinions
   • A: Assert your needs or boundaries
   • R: Reinforce the positive outcome
   • M: Mindfully stay on topic
   • A: Appear confident (tone, posture)
   • N: Negotiate if needed
4. Role-play the interaction for 1–2 minutes with your partner.
5. Debrief: Discuss which steps felt strong and which could improve.

Card 1

Scenario: You need extra time to finish a big assignment. Your teacher agree​s but the due date is tomorrow.

Prompt: Use DEAR MAN to ask your teacher for a two-day extension.

Card 2

Scenario: Your friend plays loud music whenever you’re trying to study at their house.

Prompt: Use DEAR MAN to ask your friend to lower the volume or use headphones.

Card 3

Scenario: Your sibling borrows your clothes without asking and sometimes returns them damaged.

Prompt: Use DEAR MAN to set a boundary about asking permission before borrowing.

Card 4

Scenario: The school cafeteria meal doesn’t meet your dietary needs. You’ve been getting hungry before class.

Prompt: Use DEAR MAN to request alternative menu options from the cafeteria manager.

Card 5

Scenario: You want to attend a weekend event, but your parents worry about safety and curfew.

Prompt: Use DEAR MAN to propose a plan that includes check-in times and a clear return time.

Reflection:
After each role-play, discuss:

• Which DEAR MAN step was easiest to use?
• Which step was most challenging?
• How did your tone and body language affect the interaction?

Next Steps:
Choose one scenario to practice later this week with an accountability partner. Note how the conversation goes and how you feel afterward.

DBT Mindfulness Skills Handout

Mindfulness in DBT is built around two core groups of skills: “What” Skills (what you do) and “How” Skills (how you do it). Practicing these skills helps you notice your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without getting carried away by them, so you can stay grounded and make intentional choices.

“What” Skills

These skills describe what you do to stay present:

1. Observe
   • Notice what’s happening inside and outside of you without trying to change it.
   • Example: You feel tension in your chest and hear your thoughts racing about tomorrow’s test.

2. Describe
   • Put words to what you notice—state facts only, no judgments or interpretations.
   • Example: “My shoulders are tight. I see clouds moving fast outside.”

3. Participate
   • Fully throw yourself into the present moment, letting go of self-consciousness.
   • Example: While sketching, you focus entirely on each line and forget about checking your phone.

“How” Skills

These skills describe how you practice the “What” skills:

1. Non-Judgmentally
   • Notice your experience without labeling it “good” or “bad.”
   • Example: Instead of thinking “I shouldn’t feel anxious,” simply note, “I’m noticing anxiety in my stomach.”

2. One-Mindfully
   • Do one thing at a time with full attention—focus on what you’re doing right now.
   • Example: When eating, pay attention to flavor, texture, and smell, rather than scrolling on your phone.

3. Effectively
   • Do what works to reach your goals, rather than reacting on impulse or emotion.
   • Example: If you feel upset with a friend, calmly use “I” statements to express your concerns instead of lashing out.

Tip: Try practicing these skills in everyday moments—brushing your teeth, walking to class, or waiting in line. Over time, small moments of mindfulness add up to stronger self-awareness and better self-regulation.

DBT Distress Tolerance Skills Handout

Distress tolerance skills help you get through moments of intense emotion or crisis without making things worse. These strategies are meant to help you survive—not solve—the problem in the moment so you can come back to it when you feel calmer.

Crisis Survival Strategies: TIP

TIP stands for Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Paired muscle relaxation. Practice these to shift your body’s stress response.

1. Temperature

   • Apply cold to your face or hold an ice pack.
   • Try splashing cold water on your face or holding a cold drink.
   • Example: Fill a bowl with ice water, dip your hands and wrists in for 30 seconds and notice how the cold draws your attention away from distressing thoughts.

2. Intense Exercise

   • Do a quick burst of cardio: jumping jacks, sprint in place, or run up and down stairs for 1–2 minutes.
   • Example: When you feel overwhelmed, do 20 jumping jacks or jog in place until your heart rate rises—this uses up excess energy and produces calming endorphins.

3. Paced Breathing

   • Inhale slowly for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts.
   • Focus on the rhythm of your breath.
   • Example: Breathe in for four seconds, breathe out for six; repeat for two minutes and notice how your heart rate slows down.

4. Paired Muscle Relaxation

   • Tense a muscle group (e.g., shoulders, fists) for 5 seconds, then release.
   • Breathe out as you let the tension go.
   • Example: Shrug your shoulders up to your ears, hold and tense for five seconds, then drop and relax while exhaling.

Distraction Techniques: ACCEPTS

ACCEPTS helps you distract yourself from distressing feelings by shifting focus.

• A ctivities: Do something different—draw, play a game, or read.
• C ontributing: Help someone else—volunteer, write a supportive text.
• C omparisons: Think of times you felt worse or imagine someone in greater need.
• E motions: Watch a funny or sad movie—engage a different emotion.
• P ushing away: Mentally put the problem on a shelf for later.
• T houghts: Count backward from 100 by sevens or recite song lyrics in your head.
• S ensations: Hold a comforting object, smell a scented candle, listen to music.

Example: When you can’t stop worrying, choose three ACCEPTS methods (e.g., do a puzzle, text a friend to help them, recite your favorite song lyrics).

Self-Soothing with the Five Senses

Engage each sense to calm your nervous system:

• Sight: Look at a calming photo or nature scene.
• Sound: Listen to music, ocean sounds, or rain recordings.
• Smell: Breathe in a favorite scent—essential oils, fresh coffee, or a flower.
• Taste: Sip tea, eat a piece of chocolate, or chew gum.
• Touch: Hold a soft blanket, pet a pet, or take a warm bath.

Tip: Keep a “distress kit” with a small scented item, a textured object, or a playlist of favorite songs to have self-soothing tools ready.

When to Use:

• Right after an argument or bad news.
• In the middle of an overwhelming task or test.
• Anytime you feel urge to act on strong emotions (yelling, running away, using substances).

Each of these strategies can help you ride out intense emotions so you can return to problem-solving once you feel calmer and more in control.

DBT Emotion Regulation Skills Handout

Emotion regulation skills help you reduce vulnerability to intense emotions by building healthy habits and choosing actions that shift your feelings. This handout covers PLEASE (physical self-care) and Opposite Action (changing action urges).

PLEASE Skills (Physical Self-Care)

Each letter in PLEASE reminds you to treat your body with the basics it needs to support stable emotions.

P • Treat Physical Illness
– Keep up with medical care: doctor visits, medications, hearing/vision checks.
– Example: If allergies make you fatigued and irritable, take your allergy medication and rest so you can think more clearly.

L • Balanced Eating
– Eat regularly and nutritiously. Avoid skipping meals or bingeing.
– Example: Instead of waiting until evening to eat, have a healthy snack mid-afternoon to prevent low energy and mood swings.

E • Avoid Mood-Altering Substances
– Limit or eliminate alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and non-prescribed drugs.
– Example: Swap your afternoon soda for water or herbal tea to prevent caffeine crashes that worsen anxiety.

A • Balanced Sleep
– Aim for 7–9 hours per night and keep a consistent sleep schedule.
– Example: Set a bedtime alarm to remind you to wind down—no screens 30 minutes before sleep helps reduce racing thoughts.

S • Exercise
– Move your body regularly: walk, run, stretch, sports, or dance.
– Example: A 10-minute brisk walk during a study break can boost endorphins and clear your mind.

E • Build Mastery
– Do something you’re good at or learn a new skill—arts, hobbies, academics, volunteering.
– Example: Spend 15 minutes practicing guitar or solving a puzzle to feel accomplished and confident.

Tip: Choose one PLEASE skill each day and track it in a planner or app to build steady routines.

Opposite Action

When an emotion urges you toward an unhelpful behavior, Opposite Action helps you act in a way that changes the emotion itself.

1. Identify the Emotion & Urge
   – Notice what you feel (anger, sadness, fear) and the action urge (yell, withdraw, freeze).

2. Choose an Opposite Action
   – Pick a behavior that contradicts the urge and supports your goal.

3. Practice & Observe
   – Do the opposite action and notice how it affects your emotions.

Examples

• Anger → Urge to lash out
  Opposite Action: Speak calmly, state your concerns with “I feel” statements.

• Sadness → Urge to isolate
  Opposite Action: Text a friend or join a study group to stay connected.

• Anxiety → Urge to avoid
  Opposite Action: Take three deep breaths and approach the challenge step by step.

• Shame → Urge to hide
  Opposite Action: Acknowledge the mistake, apologize, and ask how to make amends.

Tip: Write down one Opposite Action plan when you notice an intense emotion. Practice it as soon as possible for maximum impact.

DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills Handout

Interpersonal effectiveness skills empower you to ask for what you need, say no when necessary, and balance maintaining relationships with preserving your self-respect. This handout covers three core skill sets: DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.

DEAR MAN (Getting Objectives Met)

Use DEAR MAN when you need to request something, set a boundary, or negotiate.

D • Describe the situation clearly

• State objective facts without judgment.
• Example: “When group members arrive late…”

E • Express your feelings and opinions

• Use “I” statements to own your emotions.
• Example: “I feel frustrated when the meeting starts late.”

A • Assert your needs or boundaries

• Make a clear request or say no directly.
• Example: “I need us to start on time. Can we agree to begin by 3:00 PM?”

R • Reinforce positive outcomes

• Explain how meeting your request benefits everyone.
• Example: “If we start on time, we’ll finish earlier and stay on schedule.”

M • Mindfully stay focused on your goal

• Ignore distractions or side issues that derail the conversation.
• Example: If someone changes the subject, gently bring it back: “Let’s stick to the start-time plan.”

A • Appear confident

• Use calm tone, steady eye contact, and relaxed posture.
• Example: Speak clearly without rushing or apologizing unnecessarily.

N • Negotiate when needed

• Be willing to give something to get something.
• Example: “If we can start on time, I can stay 10 extra minutes to help wrap up.”

GIVE (Keeping Relationships Healthy)

Use GIVE to maintain a respectful, positive connection even when you’re asserting your needs.

G • Gentle
– Avoid attacks, judgments, or threats.
– Example: Speak with kindness rather than saying, “You always mess up!”

I • Interested
– Show you care about the other person’s perspective—ask questions or nod.
– Example: “I’d like to hear what you think about starting earlier.”

V • Validate
– Acknowledge the other person’s feelings or point of view.
– Example: “I understand it’s hard to adjust your schedule.”

E • Easy manner
– Use humor or a relaxed style to reduce tension.
– Example: Lightly laugh and say, “Let’s be time travelers—arrive five minutes early!”

FAST (Maintaining Self-Respect)

Use FAST to protect your self-respect and values while interacting.

F • Fair
– Be fair to yourself and the other person.
– Example: Don’t demand unreasonable concessions, but don’t give in completely.

A • (No) Apologies
– Don’t apologize for having needs or feelings.
– Example: Say, “I need this time,” instead of “Sorry to bother you, but…”

S • Stick to values
– Act in line with your principles and long-term goals.
– Example: If honesty is a value, don’t agree to something you’ll regret.

T • Truthful
– Don’t lie or exaggerate. Be genuine and honest.
– Example: State facts accurately rather than embellishing to persuade.

Tip: Before an important conversation, mentally run through DEAR MAN + GIVE + FAST. Practice in front of a mirror or with a friend to build confidence and fluency in real-life situations.