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Getting What You Want and Need

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Lesson Plan

Getting What You Want and Need

Students will be able to demonstrate effective communication skills by giving positive feedback and making requests clearly and respectfully in role-playing scenarios.

Effective communication is crucial for building strong relationships, resolving conflicts, and ensuring your needs are met. This lesson will equip students with practical skills to express themselves clearly and respectfully.

Audience

8th Grade

Time

45 minutes

Approach

Through direct instruction, modeling, and interactive role-playing.

Prep

Preparation Steps

15 minutes

Step 1

Warm-Up: What's Your Communication Style?

5 minutes

  • Begin by asking students: "Think about a time you really wanted something or needed to tell someone something important. How did you go about it? Did you get what you wanted?" (1 minute)
    - Introduce the concept of communication styles (passive, aggressive, assertive) briefly. Ask students to reflect on which style they tend to use and why. (2 minutes)
    - Explain that today's lesson will focus on assertive communication – getting what you want and need respectfully. (2 minutes)

Step 2

Direct Instruction: Communication is Key

15 minutes

  • Present the Communication is Key Slide Deck to introduce and differentiate between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication styles.
    - Focus on 'I' statements, active listening, positive feedback, and making respectful requests.
    - Use the Giving Effective Feedback Script to model how to give positive feedback and make a request. Show students how to use 'I' statements effectively.

Step 3

Activity: Communication Role-Play

20 minutes

  • Divide students into pairs.
    - Distribute the Communication Role-Play Cards to each pair.
    - Instruct students to choose a scenario and take turns role-playing giving positive feedback and making a request using 'I' statements and assertive communication.
    - Circulate around the room, providing guidance and constructive feedback as students practice.
    - After 10 minutes, have students switch roles or choose a new card.

Step 4

Debrief and Reflection

5 minutes

  • Bring the class back together.
    - Ask students: "What did you learn about giving feedback or making requests today? What felt challenging? What felt easier than you expected?" (2 minutes)
    - Reiterate the importance of assertive communication and how it can improve relationships and help them achieve their goals. (1 minute)
    - Assign a short reflection activity or journal entry on their experience and key takeaways. (2 minutes)
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Slide Deck

Getting What You Want and Need

How do you get what you want or need?

Ask students to consider times they wanted to communicate something important. Prompt them to think about how they approached it and the outcome. This helps activate prior knowledge and connect to the lesson's relevance.

What's Your Style?

There are three main ways people communicate:

  • Passive: You keep quiet, avoid conflict, and often don't get your needs met.
  • Aggressive: You demand, interrupt, and can be disrespectful, often making others feel bad.
  • Assertive: You express your thoughts and needs clearly and respectfully, while also listening to others.

Introduce the three main communication styles: passive, aggressive, and assertive. Briefly explain each and encourage students to reflect on their own tendencies. Emphasize that assertive communication is the goal.

The Power of "I" Statements

''I'' statements help you express your feelings and needs without blaming others.

Formula: "I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason]. I need/want [request]."

Example: "I feel frustrated when my ideas are interrupted because it makes me feel unheard. I would like to be able to finish my thoughts."

Explain 'I' statements as a core component of assertive communication. Provide examples of how to structure them to express feelings, situations, and needs without blaming. This is a crucial skill for the role-play.

Listen Up! Active Listening

Communication isn't just about talking; it's also about listening!

Active Listening Means:

  • Paying full attention.
  • Nodding or making eye contact.
  • Not interrupting.
  • Asking clarifying questions.
  • Summarizing what you heard to show understanding.

Define active listening and explain its importance in two-way communication. Encourage students to think about how they can show they are listening and why this is beneficial.

Giving Positive Feedback

It's important to tell people when they do something well!

How to Give Positive Feedback:

  1. Be specific: What exactly did you like?
  2. Use "I" statements: How did their action make you feel?
  3. Explain the impact: Why was it helpful or positive?

Example: "I really appreciate it when you share your notes with me, because it helps me understand the lesson better. Thank you!"

Discuss positive feedback. Explain why it's important to acknowledge good things and how to deliver it effectively using 'I' statements. Give a concrete example.

Making a Request

When you need something, it's important to ask clearly and respectfully.

Steps to Make a Request:

  1. Be direct and specific: State exactly what you need.
  2. Use "I" statements: Explain why it's important to you.
  3. Be respectful: Use a calm tone and polite language.
  4. Be open to discussion: The other person might have their own needs.

Example: "I need a quiet space to study for my test this evening. Would you be able to play your video games with headphones on?"

Explain the steps for making a request clearly and respectfully. Emphasize directness, politeness, and being open to negotiation. Provide a clear example.

Practice Time: Role-Play!

Now it's your turn to practice! You'll work with a partner to try out these communication skills in different scenarios.

Briefly introduce the upcoming activity. Explain that they will practice these skills. This slide serves as a transition to the role-play.

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Activity

Communication Role-Play Cards

Instructions: Work with a partner. Choose a card and decide who will be 'Speaker A' and 'Speaker B'. Take turns practicing giving positive feedback and making requests using 'I' statements and assertive communication. Be sure to actively listen to your partner.

After each role-play, discuss:

  • What went well?
  • What could have been done differently?
  • How did it feel to be Speaker A? Speaker B?

Card 1: Group Project Troubles

Speaker A: Your partner in a group project has been doing most of the work, and you appreciate their effort. You also realize you need them to do a specific part of the project that you struggle with.

Task: Give positive feedback to your partner and then make a request for them to take on that specific task.

Speaker B: You are the partner who has been doing a lot of the work. Listen actively to Speaker A and respond respectfully.


Card 2: Noisy Neighbor

Speaker A: Your sibling or a family member often plays loud music while you are trying to study. You feel distracted and stressed.

Task: Make a request for them to turn down the music or use headphones, explaining how it impacts you.

Speaker B: You are the sibling/family member who enjoys loud music. Listen actively to Speaker A and respond respectfully.


Card 3: Awesome Presentation

Speaker A: A classmate just gave a really excellent presentation in front of the class. You were particularly impressed by their clear explanations and engaging visuals.

Task: Give positive feedback to your classmate about their presentation.

Speaker B: You are the classmate who gave the presentation. Listen actively to Speaker A and respond respectfully.


Card 4: Borrowed Item

Speaker A: A friend borrowed your favorite book/pencil/item a few days ago and hasn't returned it. You need it back.

Task: Make a clear and respectful request for your friend to return your item.

Speaker B: You are the friend who borrowed the item. Listen actively to Speaker A and respond respectfully.


Card 5: Helping Hand

Speaker A: You noticed a classmate struggling to carry a lot of books or supplies. You want to offer help.

Task: Offer positive feedback on their effort and make a respectful offer to help.

Speaker B: You are the classmate struggling. Listen actively to Speaker A and respond respectfully.


Card 6: Misunderstanding

Speaker A: You feel misunderstood by a friend after a recent conversation. You want to clear things up.

Task: Use an "I" statement to explain how you feel and clarify what you meant, then make a request for them to try and understand your perspective.

Speaker B: You are the friend who misunderstood. Listen actively to Speaker A and respond respectfully.


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Script

Giving Effective Feedback Script

Teacher: "Alright class, before we jump into your own practice, I want to model what assertive communication looks like when giving positive feedback and making a request. Pay close attention to how I use 'I' statements and maintain a respectful tone."

Scenario: Praising a Student's Participation and Requesting More Clarity

Teacher: "Let's imagine I'm talking to a student, Maya, who has been actively participating in class discussions, which is fantastic! But perhaps I need her to elaborate a bit more on her ideas sometimes."

"Here's what I might say to Maya:"

"Teacher (to Maya): 'Maya, I really appreciate your enthusiasm and how often you contribute to our class discussions.

(Pause, make eye contact, and genuinely smile. This is the positive feedback.)

'I feel really energized by your participation because it shows me you're engaged and thinking deeply about the topics.

(This is an 'I' statement explaining the impact of her positive action.)

'To help everyone understand your brilliant ideas even better, I would like for you to try and expand on your thoughts a little more after you share. Maybe add one or two more sentences to explain your reasoning or give an example.

(This is the clear, respectful request, framed to benefit her and the class.)

'How does that sound to you?'

(Ending with a question shows openness to discussion and respect for her perspective.)"

Teacher: "Notice how I started with genuine praise, then used an 'I' statement to explain how her actions positively affect me and the class, and then I made a very specific and respectful request for what I'd like to see next. I also invited her to respond, showing that it's a two-way conversation."

"This approach helps to ensure that Maya feels valued for her contributions while also understanding how she can continue to grow and improve. It's about being direct, honest, and kind all at once."

"Keep this example in mind as you work through your own role-playing scenarios!"

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Getting What You Want and Need • Lenny Learning