What Bugs You? A Quick Check-in

Instructions: Think about a time recently when something bothered you. It could be something small, like someone taking your pencil, or something bigger, like a misunderstanding with a friend.

On your paper, quickly jot down:
1. What happened?
2. How did it make you feel?
3. What did you do or say (or wish you had done/said)?

Be ready to share one small thing if you feel comfortable!

The 'I' Message Secret: How to Get Heard

Ever felt like you were trying to tell someone something important, but they just weren't getting it? Maybe they got defensive, or the conversation turned into an argument? It happens to everyone! But there's a secret tool that can help you express yourself clearly, respectfully, and powerfully: The 'I' Message.

What's the Big Deal?

Think about it. When you're frustrated, it's easy to say things like, "You always interrupt me!" or "You never listen!" While those might be true feelings, statements that start with "You..." often sound like blame. And when people feel blamed, what do they usually do? They get defensive, close off, or even argue back. It's tough to solve a problem when everyone's feeling attacked.

That's where 'I' messages come in. They shift the focus from blaming the other person to expressing your own feelings, needs, and observations. This makes it much easier for the other person to hear what you're saying without feeling attacked, which helps both of you work towards a solution. It also helps you stay calm and feel more in control of your communication, even when you're upset.

The Three Parts of an 'I' Message

A productive 'I' message usually has three main parts:

1. I feel... (Start by clearly stating your emotion. Are you frustrated? Sad? Confused? Worried?)

   • Example: "I feel frustrated..."

2. When... (Describe the specific behavior or situation that triggered your feeling. Be factual and avoid judgment or exaggeration. Focus on what happened, not who did it.)

   • Example: "...when my turn to speak is cut short..."

3. Because... (Explain why that specific behavior or situation affects you. What is the impact on you? What is your need or desire?)

   • Example: "...because I feel like my ideas aren't valued and I lose my train of thought."

Putting It All Together

So, instead of: "You always interrupt me!" (which sounds like blame)

You can say: "I feel frustrated when my turn to speak is cut short because I feel like my ideas aren't valued and I lose my train of thought."

See the difference? The second statement tells the other person exactly how you feel and why, without making them feel like they're a bad person. It opens the door for understanding and finding a way to communicate better in the future. It gives you the power to clearly state your needs, which is a big step towards getting them met.

Why This Helps You (Especially When You Need to Feel in Control)

For students who might feel easily overwhelmed or misunderstood, 'I' messages are a powerful tool for regaining control. When you use 'I' messages, you:

• Stay calm: Focusing on your own feelings helps prevent you from lashing out.
• Are clear: People understand exactly what's bothering you and why.
• Are respected: You're expressing yourself maturely, which earns respect.
• Have agency: You're actively participating in solving the problem, rather than reacting to it. This empowers you and helps you feel more in control of the situation and your emotions.

Scenario Showdown: Crafting Your Message

Instructions: In your small groups, read each scenario below. As a group, discuss how you would typically react, and then work together to rephrase your thoughts and feelings into an effective "I" message. Remember the three parts: "I feel... when... because..."

Focus on how using an "I" message allows you to express your needs and feelings without blaming, which can help you feel more in control of the conversation.

Scenario 1: Group Project Frustration

You're working on a group project, and one of your teammates isn't doing their share of the work. You've reminded them a couple of times, but nothing has changed. The deadline is approaching, and you're worried about your grade.



Typical Reaction:





"I" Message:

Scenario 2: Borrowed Item Not Returned

You lent your favorite pencil (or another small item) to a classmate a few days ago, and they still haven't given it back. You see them using it, but they act like it's theirs.



Typical Reaction:





"I" Message:

Scenario 3: Feeling Left Out

Your friends are making plans to hang out after school, and you overhear them talking about it. They don't invite you, even though you usually do things together.



Typical Reaction:





"I" Message:

Scenario 4: Misunderstanding with a Teacher

You received a lower grade on an assignment than you expected, and you believe there was a misunderstanding about the instructions or your effort. You feel frustrated and a little unfairly judged.



Typical Reaction:





"I" Message:

Express Yourself! Making Connections

Instructions: Let's talk about how these communication tools, especially "I" messages, can help you in your daily life. Think about how clearly expressing yourself can help you feel more in charge of your interactions.

Discussion Questions:

1. When might an "I" message be really helpful for you? Think about different situations: at home, with friends, or at school. Give a specific example.
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. How can using "I" messages (or other clear communication) help you feel more understood? Why is it important for others to understand your perspective?
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Sometimes, when we get upset, it feels like we lose control. How can having a plan for how to communicate (like using "I" messages) help you feel more in control of your emotions and the situation?
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. What are some challenges you might face when trying to use "I" messages? How could you overcome those challenges?
   
   
   
   
   
   
5. What's one small change you could make in how you communicate starting today? (Even if it's just trying an "I" message once!)
   
   
   
   
   
   

My Communication Toolkit: Putting It into Practice

Instructions: This worksheet is your personal space to practice and plan your productive communication strategies. Use what you've learned about "I" messages and respectful communication.

Part 1: Crafting Your Own "I" Messages

For each situation below, write an "I" message that expresses your feelings, the specific situation, and why it affects you. Remember: "I feel... when... because..."

1. Situation: A classmate keeps distracting you when you are trying to focus on an important task.
   
   Your "I" Message:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

2. Situation: You feel like your opinion isn't heard when your family is making a decision about something that affects you.
   
   Your "I" Message:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

3. Situation: Someone makes a comment that bothers you, even if they didn't mean to. You want to let them know how it made you feel without starting an argument.
   
   Your "I" Message:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Part 2: Reflect and Plan

4. Identify a real-life situation where you could use an "I" message this week. (It could be something small!) What is the situation, and what would your "I" message be?
   
   Situation:
   
   
   
   
   
   My "I" Message:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

5. Beyond "I" messages, what is one other communication strategy you learned today that you want to try to use more often? (e.g., active listening, taking a deep breath before speaking, asking clarifying questions)
   
   Strategy:
   
   
   
   
   
   Why this strategy? How will it help you?
   
   
   
   
   
   

6. How do you think practicing these communication skills will help you feel more in control when you are dealing with strong feelings or challenging situations?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Emotion Charades: Act It Out!

Goal: To recognize and express different emotions non-verbally, helping us better understand how feelings are communicated.

Instructions:

1. Preparation: Each student will get a small slip of paper with an emotion written on it (e.g., Happy, Sad, Frustrated, Confused, Excited, Annoyed, Shy, Proud, Surprised, Calm).
2. The Game:
   • One student will come to the front of the group and act out the emotion written on their slip of paper. They cannot speak or make any sounds.
   • The rest of the group will guess what emotion is being acted out.
   • The first person to guess correctly gets to be the next actor.
3. Discussion after each round:
   • How did you know what emotion it was? What clues did the actor give?
   • Actor: Was it easy or hard to act out that emotion without words? Why?
   • How does understanding non-verbal cues help us in communicating with others?

Emotion Ideas (write these on slips of paper):

• Happy
• Sad
• Angry
• Confused
• Excited
• Frustrated
• Worried
• Surprised
• Proud
• Nervous
• Calm
• Annoyed
• Disappointed
• Curious

Communication Check-Up Answer Key

1. Which of the following is NOT a characteristic of productive communication?

   • Correct Answer: Always makes everyone agree.
   • Explanation: Productive communication aims for understanding and solutions, but it doesn't guarantee agreement. Disagreement can still happen, but the communication is handled respectfully.

2. What is the main purpose of using an "I" message?

   • Correct Answer: To clearly express your feelings and needs without blaming.
   • Explanation: "I" messages focus on your personal experience rather than accusing the other person, which reduces defensiveness and opens the door for understanding.

3. An "I" message usually has three parts. What are they?

   • Correct Answer: I feel... (state your emotion) when... (describe the specific behavior or situation) because... (explain why it affects you or what you need).
   • Explanation: This structure provides a clear, non-blaming way to articulate your experience and its impact.

4. Read the following statement: "You always interrupt me when I'm talking!" How would you rephrase this into a more productive "I" message?

   • Correct Answer: "I feel unheard when I'm interrupted because I want to share my thoughts completely."
   • Explanation: This option correctly follows the "I feel... when... because..." structure and focuses on the speaker's feelings and needs, rather than blaming.

5. How can using productive communication strategies, like "I" messages, help you feel more in control when you're feeling upset or frustrated?

   • Correct Answer: It helps you stay calm, clearly express your needs, gain respect, and actively participate in problem-solving, which empowers you and gives you agency over the situation and your emotions.
   • Explanation: By having a structured way to communicate, you can proactively address issues instead of reactively lashing out. This sense of proactive problem-solving provides a feeling of control over difficult situations and strong emotions.

One Big Takeaway: Your Communication Superpower!

Instructions: Take a moment to think about everything we discussed and practiced today. What is one big takeaway or one strategy you learned that you want to remember and try to use in your own life?

Write it down below. This is your personal communication superpower to take with you!

My One Big Takeaway/Strategy:

(Optional: Share your takeaway with a partner or the class if you feel comfortable!)