De-escalation Strategies Handout

Use this handout to review four proven techniques and practice applying them to real‐life family situations.

1. Active Listening

• What it is: Fully focusing on your child’s words and feelings, then reflecting back what you hear to show understanding.

• Tips:

• Maintain eye contact and open body posture.
• Use prompts like “It sounds like…” or “I hear you saying…”
• Reflect both content and emotion: “You’re upset because…”

• Example:
Child: “You never let me do anything fun!”
Parent: “You feel frustrated because you want more freedom.”

2. Calm Tone & Body Language

• What it is: Using a soft voice, steady pace, and relaxed posture to help lower emotional intensity.

• Tips:

• Lower your voice rather than raise it.
• Keep your arms uncrossed and shoulders relaxed.
• Take a slow, deep breath before responding.

• Example:
Parent (softly): “I understand you’re angry. Let’s talk about what happened.”

3. Strategic Pauses

• What it is: Pausing before you respond to give everyone a moment to cool down.

• Tips:

• Count silently to three before speaking.
• Encourage a short break: “Let’s both take a minute.”
• Use silence—it can help diffuse tension.

• Example:
Parent: pauses “I can see this is hard. Let’s breathe for a moment.”

4. Offering Choices

• What it is: Presenting limited, acceptable options to give your child a sense of control.

• Tips:

• Offer two or three realistic options.
• Ensure all choices are ones you can accept.
• Phrase choices neutrally: “Would you rather…?”

• Example:
Parent: “Would you like to finish your homework now or right after dinner?”

Practice & Reflection

A. Reflect on a Recent Tense Moment

1. Briefly describe the situation:
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

2. Which strategy (1–4) fits best? Why?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

B. Strategy Application

Choose one strategy and write how you would use it in the scenario below:

Your teenager comes home late without calling, and you’re worried and angry.

C. Pair Practice

Use the Conflict Scenario Cards to role-play with a partner. After each role-play, switch roles and discuss:

• What worked?
• What felt challenging?

Record one takeaway:

D. Goal Setting

Using what you’ve learned, set one concrete goal:

“I will use _________ strategy when _________.”

For further reflection, complete the Participant Reflection Worksheet.

Conflict Scenario Cards

Use these scenario prompts for paired role-play. One participant acts as the parent, the other as the child/teen. After each role-play, switch roles and discuss which de-escalation strategies worked best.

Scenario 1: Missed Curfew

Your teenager rolls in 30 minutes past curfew without calling. You’re worried and angry.

Scenario 2: Refused Homework

Your child refuses to start their homework, insisting they’re “too tired” and want screen time instead.

Scenario 3: Sibling Dispute

Two siblings are arguing loudly over a game console. Both claim the other is cheating.

Scenario 4: Morning Routine Meltdown

Your child oversleeps and now refuses to get ready for school, saying they hate mornings.

Scenario 5: Chore Resistance

You ask your teen to clean their room before dinner. They snap, “You never let me relax!”

Scenario 6: Social Media Conflict

Your child posts something you find inappropriate on social media. They react defensively when you confront them.

Scenario 7: Sibling Jealousy

A younger sibling complains that “You always pay more attention to them,” and storms off crying.

Scenario 8: Curfew Negotiation

Your teen asks to extend curfew for a late-night event, but you’re worried about safety.

Scenario 9: Screen-Time Dispute

Your child argues that their screen time was unfairly reduced compared to their friends.

Scenario 10: Emotional Outburst

Your teenager shouts, “You don’t understand me!” after you set a household rule.

Rotate through two to three of these cards during the Role-Play Practice. After each scenario, observers note which de-escalation strategies were used effectively and offer feedback.

Participant Reflection Worksheet

Use this worksheet to capture your observations and insights after each role-play. Be honest and specific—it will help you grow your de-escalation skills.

1. Scenario Reflection

1. Which scenario did you practice?
   
   
   
   

2. Which de-escalation strategy or strategies did you apply?
   
   
   
   

3. What worked well? Describe specific actions or phrases.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

4. What felt challenging or less effective?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

2. Insights & Adjustments

5. What is your key takeaway or insight from this practice?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

6. How will you adjust your approach the next time you face a similar situation?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

3. Goal Setting

Using what you’ve learned, set one concrete goal for your next tense interaction:

“I will use _________ strategy when _________.”

4. Next Steps & Resources

• Continue practicing with the Conflict Scenario Cards.

• Review reminders and tips in the De-escalation Strategies Handout.

• Plan a brief follow-up check-in with a partner or support network to share progress and challenges.