Boundary Setting Discussion Guide

Introduction: The Pressure Cooker

• What are some things you feel pressured to do by friends, family, or even social media?
  
  
  
• How does it feel when you agree to something you don't really want to do?
  
  
  

Understanding Boundaries

• In your own words, how would you define a personal boundary?
  
  
  
• Can you think of a time when someone crossed a boundary with you? How did that feel?
  
  
  
• Why do you think it's important to have boundaries in different areas of your life (e.g., with friends, family, online)?
  
  
  

Why Saying 'No' Is So Hard

• What makes it difficult to say 'no' to requests, even when you're busy or uncomfortable?
  
  
  
• Are there certain people or situations where it's harder for you to say 'no'? Why?
  
  
  
• What are some potential negative consequences of not setting boundaries?
  
  
  

Practicing Assertive Communication

• What's the difference between being passive, aggressive, and assertive when communicating your needs?
  
  
  
• When you've tried to say 'no' in the past, what was the outcome? What might you do differently next time?
  
  
  

Reflection and Application

• Identify one area of your life where you feel you need to establish clearer boundaries. What does that boundary look like?
  
  
  
  
  
  
• What is one small step you can take this week to practice setting a boundary or saying 'no' assertively?
  
  
  
  
  
  
• How do you think setting healthier boundaries will impact your overall well-being and relationships?
  
  
  
  
  
  

Assertive Communication Script: The Art of Saying No

Introduction: The Pressure Cooker (5 minutes)

Teacher: "Good morning, everyone! Let's start with a quick thought exercise. Close your eyes for a moment and think about a time recently when you felt pressured to do something you didn't really want to do. Maybe it was an extra chore, a social event, or even just agreeing with someone when you actually disagreed. Don't share it out loud yet, just keep it in your mind.

Now, open your eyes. How many of you felt a little bit of stress or discomfort when you thought about that situation? (Pause for show of hands). It’s a common feeling, right? Today, we're going to talk about 'The Art of Saying No: Setting Healthy Boundaries.' This isn't about being mean or selfish; it's about taking care of yourself and your well-being. By the end of this lesson, you’ll have some tools to confidently say 'no' when you need to, without feeling guilty or letting others down."

Understanding Boundaries (10 minutes)

Teacher: "Let's dive into what we mean by 'boundaries.' Look at our Art of Saying No Slide Deck (Slide 3). A boundary is essentially a personal rule or limit that you set for yourself in your interactions with others. It helps define what you are and aren't comfortable with. Think of it like a fence around your garden—it's there to protect what's inside, your time, your energy, your emotions.

We have different types of boundaries: physical, emotional, time-based, and even digital. Let's look at Art of Saying No Slide Deck (Slide 4). For example, a physical boundary might be not wanting people in your personal space. An emotional boundary could be deciding not to talk about certain topics with certain friends. A time boundary is about how you manage your schedule and commitments. And a digital boundary is about how much time you spend online or what you share.

Now, let's have a brief discussion. Looking at our Boundary Setting Discussion Guide, what are some boundaries you currently have, even if you haven't thought of them as 'boundaries' before? Or, what are some situations where you find it hard to set boundaries?"

Why Is Saying No So Hard? (10 minutes)

Teacher: "It's easy to say 'just say no,' but we all know it's not always that simple. Why do you think it's so challenging to say 'no'? What are some of the reasons we agree to things we don't want to do? (Facilitate discussion based on Boundary Setting Discussion Guide prompts and then refer to Art of Saying No Slide Deck Slide 6 and 7).

Often, it's fear of disappointing others, feeling guilty, wanting to be liked, or even the fear of missing out, or FOMO. But when we consistently say 'yes' when we want to say 'no,' what are the consequences? How does it affect us? (Discuss student responses). Exactly. It leads to stress, resentment, burnout, and we lose our valuable time and energy."

The Power of Assertive Communication (15 minutes)

Teacher: "So, how do we say 'no' effectively and respectfully? The key is assertive communication. Look at Art of Saying No Slide Deck (Slide 8).

* Passive communication is when you avoid expressing your needs, often leading to being taken advantage of.

• Aggressive communication is when you express your needs in a demanding or disrespectful way.

• Assertive communication is the sweet spot. It's about expressing your needs and feelings clearly and directly, while still respecting others.
  
  Art of Saying No Slide Deck (Slide 9) gives us some tips. It’s about being clear and direct, using 'I' statements, and sometimes, 'no' is a complete sentence. Let's try some examples. I'll give you a scenario, and I want you to think about how you would respond assertively.
  
  Scenario 1: A friend asks you to hang out, but you have a big test tomorrow and need to study.

• Passive response: "Uh, maybe. I'll see... I guess I could come for a little bit." (You go, feel stressed, and don't study enough.)

• Aggressive response: "No way! I have a test, why would you even ask? Leave me alone!"

• Assertive response: "Thanks for the invite, but I can't tonight. I have a big test tomorrow and need to focus on studying. Maybe we can hang out on Saturday instead?"

Teacher: "Notice the difference? The assertive response is clear, respectful, and offers an alternative. Now, let's get into pairs or small groups for some practice. I'll give you a few scenarios, and I want you to role-play assertive responses. Remember to be direct and use 'I' statements. (Refer to Art of Saying No Slide Deck Slide 10)."

Role-Playing Scenarios (Pairs/Small Groups):

1. Scenario: Your older sibling asks you to do their chores because they want to go out, and you had plans to work on a personal project.
   Assertive Response: "I understand you want to go out, but I can't do your chores right now. I've already planned my time to work on my project. Maybe you can do them when you get back, or we can figure out a different time later?"
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Scenario: A classmate asks to copy your homework right before class, and you spent a lot of time on it.
   Assertive Response: "I'm not comfortable with you copying my homework. I worked really hard on it, and it's important for both of us to do our own work to learn the material. I can help you understand the concepts after class if you want."
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Scenario: Your friend constantly calls or texts you late at night, interrupting your sleep, even after you've mentioned you need sleep.
   Assertive Response: "Hey, I need to talk about something. I really value our friendship, but when you call/text me late, it messes with my sleep, and I can't function well the next day. Can we agree to only communicate before [specific time, e.g., 9 PM] unless it's an emergency?"
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Putting It Into Practice (10 minutes)

Teacher: "Great job with the role-playing! It takes practice, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Now, for our final activity, I want you to reflect on what we've discussed today. I'm going to give you a moment to think about one area in your own life where you want to practice setting a boundary or saying 'no' this week. It could be big or small.

Write down how you might approach that situation using the assertive communication techniques we learned today. (Give students 5 minutes to write).

To wrap up, remember this powerful quote from Art of Saying No Slide Deck (Slide 11): 'The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.' Setting boundaries is an act of self-care and self-respect. You are in control of your time, energy, and well-being."

Wrap-Up and Q&A (5 minutes)

Teacher: "To summarize, setting healthy boundaries is vital for your well-being, for managing stress, and for building respectful relationships. Assertive communication is your superpower to achieve this. Does anyone have any final questions or reflections they'd like to share about today's lesson?"