Reflection Sheet: Heard vs. Actual

Instructions: Think of a recent moment when you felt someone insulted you. Use the table below to record:

• What you thought you heard.
• What was actually said (to the best of your memory or from notes).
• How hearing it made you feel.
• Any extra observations or questions.

Fill in each row for a different incident (up to three).

Next Steps: Conversation with Your Trusted Adult

1. Sit down with your trusted adult and share your completed reflections.
2. Compare what you think you heard with what was actually said.
3. Discuss how it made you feel and why there was a gap between perception and reality.
4. Together, decide on steps to improve communication and understanding.

Adult’s Notes:
Use the Adult Conversation Guide to support your discussion. Jot down any observations or follow-up actions here:

Adult Conversation Guide

Purpose: Support your student in exploring the gap between what they thought they heard and what was actually said. Use this script to ask open-ended questions, offer reassurance, and take notes on observations and next steps.

1. Set the Stage (30 seconds)

Adult: “Thank you for taking the time to do this reflection with me. I’m glad we can talk together in a calm, honest space. My goal is to understand how you felt and how we can keep communicating clearly.”

Follow-up Prompts:

• “How are you feeling about starting this conversation?”
• “Is there anything you’d like me to know before we begin?”

2. Review Each Incident (2½ minutes)

For each row on the Reflection Sheet, follow these steps:

A. Ask About “What I Heard”

Adult: “Looking at what you thought you heard here, can you tell me more about what was going through your mind in that moment?”
Follow-ups:

• “What emotions came up when you heard that?”
• “Did it remind you of anything you’ve experienced before?”

B. Compare to “What Was Actually Said”

Adult: “Now let’s read exactly what was said. What differences do you notice between the two?”
Follow-ups:

• “What surprises you about what was actually said?”
• “Did hearing the exact words change how you feel?”

C. Discuss Feelings and Assumptions

Adult: “Why do you think your mind interpreted it that way?”
Follow-ups:

• “What assumptions might have been at play?”
• “How might tone or context have influenced your perception?”

(Repeat A–C for each incident.)

3. Explore the Gap and Learn (1 minute)

Adult: “It’s normal for our brains to fill in gaps when we feel hurt or surprised. Let’s think about how we can catch misunderstandings earlier.”

Key Questions:

• “What could you ask next time if you’re unsure?”
• “How can I help you check the facts before you react?”

4. Plan Next Steps (30 seconds)

Adult: “I appreciate your honesty. To keep building trust, let’s pick one or two things to try next time.”

Options to Suggest:

• Pausing and asking, “Can you repeat what you said?”
• Summarizing, “So it sounds like you mean…”
• Checking in with each other, “Is that what you meant?”

Adult: “Which of these feels most helpful for you?”

Adult’s Observations & Notes

Use this space to jot down any insights, patterns, or follow-up actions you want to remember: