Conflict Styles Handout: How Do You React?

Everyone handles disagreements differently. Understanding your own style and the styles of others can help you resolve conflicts more effectively. Read through the styles below and think about which one you tend to use most often.

1. Avoiding

• Description: You tend to ignore the conflict, change the subject, or physically leave the situation. You might feel uncomfortable or hope the problem will just go away.
• When it's helpful: For minor issues that aren't important, or when emotions are too high and you need a cool-down period.
• When it's not helpful: When the issue is important and needs to be addressed, or when avoiding it makes the problem worse.

Example: Your friend keeps borrowing your pencil without asking, but you don't say anything because you don't want to make a big deal out of it.

2. Accommodating (Giving In)

• Description: You give in to the other person's wishes, even if you don't fully agree, to keep the peace or maintain the relationship. You might put the other person's needs before your own.
• When it's helpful: When the issue is more important to the other person than to you, or when you realize you were wrong.
• When it's not helpful: When you constantly give up your own needs, leading to resentment or unfairness.

Example: Your friend wants to play a game you don't like, but you agree to play it anyway so they won't be upset.

3. Competing (Winning)

• Description: You approach conflict as a competition, aiming to win at all costs, even if it means sacrificing the relationship. You might be assertive and uncooperative.
• When it's helpful: In emergencies, when quick decisive action is needed, or when protecting your rights.
• When it's not helpful: In most ongoing relationships, as it can damage trust and lead to resentment.

Example: You and your friend both want the last slice of pizza, and you argue forcefully until you get it, without considering their hunger.

4. Compromising

• Description: You seek a middle ground, where both parties give up a little to gain a little. It's about finding a solution that partially satisfies everyone.
• When it's helpful: When goals are moderately important, time is limited, or when collaboration isn't possible.
• When it's not helpful: When a truly creative, win-win solution might be possible, but you settle for less.

Example: You want to watch a movie, and your friend wants to play a video game. You agree to watch half a movie and then play the video game for a while.

5. Collaborating (Win-Win)

• Description: You work with the other person to find a solution that fully satisfies both your concerns. This involves open communication, active listening, and creative problem-solving.
• When it's helpful: For important issues where both parties' needs are significant, and when you want to strengthen the relationship.
• When it's not helpful: When time is short, or the issue is trivial.

Example: You and your friend both want to go to different places. You talk about why each place is important to you and discover a new place that includes elements of what you both wanted, so you both go there instead.

Resolution Role-Play Activity: Friendship Fixers in Action!

It's time to put your conflict resolution skills to the test! Work with your partner(s) to act out one of the scenarios below. Remember to use:

• Active Listening: Really hear what your friend is saying.
• "I" Statements: Talk about your feelings without blaming.
• Empathy: Try to understand your friend's perspective.
• Collaborating: Work together to find a win-win solution!

Scenario 1: The Group Project Mix-Up

Characters: You and a friend

Situation: You and your friend are working on a group project due tomorrow. You thought you were both going to work on it last night, but your friend went to a sports practice and didn't tell you, leaving most of the work for you to do alone.

Your Goal: Express your feelings about being left with the work and find a way to finish the project together without damaging your friendship.

Scenario 2: The Borrowed Item

Characters: You and a friend

Situation: You lent your favorite jacket to your friend a week ago, and they haven't returned it. You saw them wearing it yesterday, and it looks a little dirty. You're feeling annoyed and a bit disrespected.

Your Goal: Ask for your jacket back and express your feelings about its condition, while maintaining your friendship.

Scenario 3: The Weekend Plans

Characters: You and two friends

Situation: You and your two friends are trying to decide what to do this weekend. Friend A wants to go to the park, Friend B wants to go to the movies, and you want to stay home and play video games. No one wants to budge, and everyone is getting frustrated.

Your Goal: Discuss everyone's preferences, use active listening to understand each other's reasons, and find a solution that everyone can be happy with, or at least agree upon.