So, those of you who visited this page since February 8th have seen the memorial page I had up, about the death of my 3 month old daughter Katherine.
It’s been almost a month now, the funeral in MI was very nice. We owe so much to my in-laws and mom who took care of everything. I dont think you know how much it meant to us, to not have to worry about what we were going to do..
We’re still waiting on the tests and such from the Medical Examiner’s office so we can get Katherine’s death certificate and be done with this nightmare.
The house will be going up for sale as soon as we can get it ready. might as well start now since it’s going to be on the market for a while. start painting and landscaping.
As for me. I dunno. I just feel kind of empty inside. I dont really know what else to say about what happened, I dont even feel like I can cry anymore, I’m just still.. numb. The pain is there, I just cant bring myself to try and process it yet. It’s just so overwhelming to even try and think about it, I just shove it back in a box and focus myself on something else..
I looked at my last post, about getting my laptop back. it showed up on the 8th, my door was flanked by Austin police and crime scene unit officers. I didnt even care at that point that I got it back. It’s not what I wanted. What I want back, I can never ever get back. I’ll always have this hole inside me, where a little 3 month old girl used to live, and I dont know what I can do to just make the hurting go away. I dont want drugs. I dont want alcohol, I just want to be able to hold my little girl again, and I know I cant. My heart is stuck in a loop that just gets worse and worse each time I try and think about it.
I never got a chance to give the Eulogy I had written in my head for Kat. But there is one thing I kept going over, and one thing that made sense:
Never procrastinate. Don’t think you’ll do it tomorrow. Dont put off a picture, a video, a hug or just time to spend with your children.
Because one day, you might wake up, and not have a tomorrow. This is what I have to live with. I put things off. I didnt get the pictures we wanted, I always thought it could wait until tomorrow. Now I dont have tomorrow.
I have a picture of my little girl, in an urn. That’s my tomorrow. thats the last picture I’ll ever have. So, please, dont waste the time you have with your children.